Introduction
Hey, I’m KinkJawn!
Growing up in Philly, I was part of the LGBTQ+, BDSM/Kink, and Swinging/Polyamory communities long before I knew the terms. Pennypack Woods was our sanctuary for self-expression, but we lacked the tools for sexual wellness.
Fast forward to today, and I’m channeling those early experiences into a more informed and intentional path. I’m now a PhD student in Human Sexuality 🌟, aspiring to become a sexologist and sex therapist passionate about breaking the stigma surrounding these communities so that others don't feel the need to hide. Join me as I explore the intersections of sexual health, mental well-being, safety, empowerment, and everything in between—the kinds of conversations you'd have over a cup of coffee and/or a spliff. Together, we'll foster a more inclusive, informed, and empowered community.
Diary Entry: June 2022
An old friend stirred something deep within me. Once again, the topic of extramarital relations surfaced, but this time, Lucien and I weren’t fighting. To my surprise, he wasn’t opposed to the idea. In fact, he was incredibly open to it, and I was caught off guard by the absence of jealousy or emotional hurt. He admitted that he had previously been uncomfortable with it because I was angry, but if this is who I am, he accepts me fully. It felt like a massive weight had been lifted.
For years, I had wrestled with the conflicting desires to be with others while staying with Lucien, which filled me with shame and a sense of selfishness. Luicen reassured me that I wasn’t selfish, and that it was okay to have these feelings. He knew where my heart stood and understood how much I love him. My reluctance stemmed from the fear that he would question my love for him, but he didn’t see it that way at all. Luien allows me to be myself and supports me wholeheartedly and I will forever be grateful for him providing this sense of safety to me.
Yet, when I went out to meet my friend alone, something didn’t feel right. I wanted Lucien with me. I quickly ended the meeting with my friend and returned home to Lucien. Before jumping into anything, I suggested we try a swingers club together. A local establishment, Flirtation & Freedom, was brought to my attention years prior—friends had mentioned it, but as a single female, I never felt comfortable going. Looking back, I realize it stemmed from my insecure attachment to others and the world.
Lucien is the first person I’ve ever felt a secure attachment with. He truly loves me unconditionally, something I never thought was possible. For the longest time, I believed unconditional love was a myth—a romanticized notion created to make people believe that their “one true love” would complete them and always be there. In my experience, love was fleeting, conditional, and often based on superficial factors.
My mother only loved me when I looked or acted in ways that didn’t embarrass her. My grandmother, on the other hand, criticized me for being “unladylike,” “uncouth,” or “ghetto.” Their approval seemed to hinge on my performance, and trying to win favor with one often meant disappointing the other. Growing up I felt torn between their conflicting expectations. To make matters worse, my grandmother always favored my brother—perhaps because he never sought our mother’s attention as I did.
For the first time, I have someone who loves me for who I truly am. Lucien sees and accepts all of me, and with his support, I feel ready to explore the next chapter of our journey—together.
Educational Resources
For more information on Ethical Non Monogamy and Attachment Theory I highly suggest Jessica Fern’s book Poly-secure. LINK TO BOOK: https://www.abebooks.com/servlet/BookDetailsPL?bi=31028425336&dest=usa&ref_=ps_ggl_17730880232&cm_mmc=ggl-_-US_Shopp_Trade_10to20-_-product_id=COM9781944934989USED-_-keyword=&gclid=CjwKCAjwpbi4BhByEiwAMC8JnTkknm-QCj5M6zEjZzPgxG8k5THai4AAWcJlX5jkOADYqPJpRZsfdhoC22IQAvD_BwE
Community Spotlight
When I first entered the Lifestyle as an adult, my desire to learn everything I could about it was insatiable. So, like any Millennial, I turned to social media—specifically TikTok. It was there that I stumbled upon @SexySwingerChic91. Their advice goes beyond mere promotion of sex; they offer informative, accurate insights paired with a relatable, down-to-earth vibe that I can get down with. Be sure to check them out on TikTok for some fantastic content!
Q&A Section
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As we explore the fascinating world of sexual health, mental well-being, and alternative lifestyles, I encourage you to submit your questions or topics you'd like me to cover in future posts. Whether you're curious about the Lifestyle, seeking advice on relationships, or looking for resources, I'm here to help!
-KinkJawn
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